The End of An Era

Harper's days of nursing have come to an end.

This is her first time nursing. She was already a Pro just minutes after entering this world.

Not by my choosing, but by hers. She has been nursing less and less for a few months now and I knew this day was coming. For a whole year we tried very unsuccessfully to get Harper to take a bottle of breast milk just so Ross and I could go on a date without having to rush home so I could feed the baby. She refused and eventually we gave up. I nursed Harper for every meal for over a year (14 1/2 months to be exact) until one day she found a "ba-ba" in the pantry and acted interested. I put a little milk in it and she actually gulped it down. From that moment when she wanted to eat she was tottle over to me and say "ba-ba!" But nothing could have prepared me for the moment when the realization set in. I collapsed onto Ross's lap and sobbed uncontrollably.

She is growing up. The moments of just us will be shared in a different way now. I will forever miss her cradled in my arms, skin to skin, looking down into her innocent eyes, no noise but the sweet sound of the occasional gulp, her crawling over to me and pulling up my shirt, closing my eyes and knowing that no one else has this moment, this moment is ours and ours only.

I will never forget her sweet milk-drunk expression. I can read the "thank you mama" in her eyes. Full, happy, content.

And even though I complained and wished she would just sleep through the night, I will miss our middle of the night "dates," just us in the dark. The warmth of her tiny little body against mine. How she would be nestled between her daddy and I in our bed and nurse the night away. Those moments were so warm, so cozy, so special.

She did not care where we were or who was around. When she wanted to nurse, she would nurse. Even if she had just nursed 10 minutes ago. I joked and said I should write a book for expectant mothers called "Oh, The Places You'll Nurse!" because I nursed Harper in countless restaurants, parking lots, beaches, on our boat, during the Church Service on Christmas Eve, in the shower, in every room of our house and any other house we have ever been in, in the yard, at many birthday parties... the list could go on forever. (yes, I used a nursing cover most of the time and was as discreet as possible)

 

I happened to snap photos the last time Harper nursed because I knew that the end was near. She is moving on, growing up fast, way too fast:

The nursing stare. Straight into my eyes. So calm, so still. Her tiny hand holding onto my shirt. 

And just because I can't get enough of her face and this moment:

While I am sad this chapter has come to an end, I am so thankful that we were able to experience these wonderful, special, beautiful moments.  I will never forget them. I will cherish them. I will miss them.