hold me!

Cliff is in a lot of pain. He is having muscle spasms in his legs that even the pain meds can't help. They have given him four different types of pain meds and nothing seems to ease the pain. He will sleep for about 10 minutes then will wake up and scream for about 45 minutes. This is the "cycle" he had been repeating since he woke up from surgery yesterday. He is still in the PICU and we have been told that they will most likely move us upstairs today!

Ross stayed with Cliff until about 5:00am, then we switched and he went to the hotel room to sleep. Ross is so amazing! I am so blessed to have him as my husband and the babies are to blessed to have him as their father.

Cliff is very scared that we will leave him. He constantly says "Hold me, mommy!" We are always having to remind him that we are here and that we are not going to leave him. This morning I finally crawled into bed with him and "held" him very carefully. He is so scared. Every time a nurse or Doctor comes in, he begins to scream again (it seems as soon as someone leave, another person is coming in...). I pray that God will fill Cliff with strength and the knowledge that he is not alone.

 Ross and I never imagined it would be so hard to see Cliff in this pain. It breaks our hearts and we keep telling each other "I wish I could take the pain away." I know this pain will soon be gone, but I hate that Cliff has to feel like this.

*Update: Cliff will stay in the PICU for another 24 hours and maybe longer than that depending on how he feels after upping the dosage of his meds. He screams if we try to move him at all, which the Dr. just told me was not normal...So at 1:00 (CST) the Attending is coming in and we will try to move Cliff a little... I am DREADING it because if you move his arm the slightest bit he screams in pain. We are still hopeful, but extremely scared for Cliff. I often question myself as to if this surgery was the right thing to do, but then I remind myself of all of the opportunities Cliff will have after he is healed up! And I also think about another little boy who is just like Cliff (same age too) who is doing GREAT now! I know that God is with Cliff, the Doctors and Nurses. God is in control.

Please continue to keep Cliff in your prayers.

Here is the Verse we are sharing with Cliff today:

The Lord is my light and my salvation

whom shall I fear?

The Lord is the stronghold of my life

of whom shall I be afraid?

                                   -Psalms 27:1